just for me

March 1, 2010

So for the third time in as many days (that’s 3, for those of you keeping track at home), I received an IM, text, or email that pretty much said this (actual text from actual reader):

“So, I totally had a problem on the toilet today and I thought of you.”

That’s awesome. Apparently I am now the repository, so to speak, the Dear Abby, if you will, of my readership’s (all 12 of you) poo-butt-fart stories.

I will not be publishing them. Like Tom Hanks (Captain Miller), speaking of his home and family, “No, no that one I save just for me.”

Kind of like that. Kind of.


6 Responses to “just for me”

  1. Rob (dug's brother) Says:

    Guilty. Here’s my story:
    Someone left a very funny Dave Barry article in the stall and, of course, I started reading it. Unfortunately, it was too funny and when I was about to guffaw, I remembered you can’t laugh on the toilet.
    So, I tried to hold it in and ended up with a wheezy, snorty, twitter like sound that was infinitely worse then if I’d just manned up and guffawed.
    The other problem is that once you try to hold in a guffaw from a truly funny thing, it doesn’t go away. See, it sneaks up on you once you relax your guard.
    You have to think of some very not funny stuff and hope the thought doesn’t creep back.
    I couldn’t even finish the article.
    Made me very mad.
    Something about the poor intern scientist that got the job of measuring the amount of methane produced by kangaroos (those creatures that can run 40 mph, jump 30 feet, and punch like Tyson).
    Can’t help but end up funny.

    It’s as bad as the time I was at Dell, having a silent fart contest with my boss.
    We were in a cube next to other people and I had one that started out not so silent, so I clenched and stood up to hurry down the hall (somewhere less populated).
    Instead of subtle, I ended up with a series of chirps that continued the entire way down the hall as I clenched and tried to not laugh (thus making it worse).

    ya, that’s the end of my story.

  2. bikemike Says:

    dug is my hero…and that’s all i have to say about that.

  3. Stephen Says:

    I have no idea who you are. I know nothing about you. I read your blog for the funny toilet stories.

  4. Grizzly Adam Says:

    Aaron, Mark, and I were all in the bathroom (don’t ask) and of course, we all started breaking all the public bathroom rules, just to vicariously piss you off.

  5. SuomiTri Says:

    I made a great deposit this morning (at work too!), felt lighter afterward, and thought of you. Cheers!

    • dug Says:

      nice. remember in the movie “Mosquito Coast” when martha plimpton is coming on to river phoenix on the boat, and as she leaves, she turns around to look at him meaningfully, and says “i think about you when i go to the bathroom.

      so it’s like that now?

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