i should see a doctor

April 1, 2010

I am a spazz. And that’s not a good thing.

I mean, apologies to all of you with diagnosed conditions, paraplegia, all that. I’m more of a mobile spazz. Which makes me dangerous. I need a cork on my fork, to prevent me hurting myself (and others).

I’ve written about this before, even reviewed a few spazzy moments. Lately two particularly spazzy things have been getting me down.

First, the second most annoying thing about backcountry skiing is fumbling with my ear buds. I keep my iPhone in my front left pocket, run the headphones up under my jacket, put one in the internal zippered pocket, and the other up the neck, and into my right ear.

Seems simple enough.

Except it slips. It drops. It pulls. I turn my head and it yanks out. I have to remove a glove to push it back in my ear. And more often than not, once I’ve put it back deep into my ear, so that it feels like an internal headphone, as I pull my hand away from my head, I hook the cord and yank it out of my ear again.

I think on Coalpit a couple weeks ago I did this trick six hundred times. Pull glove off. Insert earbud in ear. Accidentally pull earbud out of ear by hooking cord with glove or hand. Repeat SIX HUNDRED TIMES. Lose all feeling in freezing hands.

My latest spazziness occurred last night, right in front of Maddy. Standing in front of kitchen counter, I have in front of me a large cup and a can of Diet Cherry Coke. I pick up the can and begin to pour. And inexplicably (except for the obvious explication that I am a total retard), as I pull my hand out of the way, I inadvertently push the cup to one side. And pour Diet Cherry Coke all over the counter.


I should see a doctor.

The only thing funnier this week was when Ian, in the family prayer, expressed his sincere hope that we would all have a good night’s sleep and live to see tomorrow. In pretty much those words. Killed the room. And the prayer.

[Oh, and the FIRST most annoying thing you can do with your iPod in the backcountry? Forget to bring it on a six hour hike–sorry Rick.]


14 Responses to “i should see a doctor”

  1. Nate Kingdon Says:

    I like the Dirty Rotten Scoundrels reference Rupert! Thanks again for the morning ski. That was some good stuff. For the record, my earbud comes out too. I hate it.

  2. mark Says:

    I never bring an ipod skiing. I just listen to the songs in my head, which always seem to fit the moment just right. This morning it was “knockin’ on heaven’s door.” I think it had something to do with two cups of coffee and a huge bowl of granola right before spending an hour and a half skinning up Scotties.

  3. rick Says:

    What’s up with the lip of your cup?

  4. Jeff Says:

    You could try those “athletic” earbuds that stay on by a giant hook that goes up over your ears. They’re quite a fashion statement, but they also stay put.

  5. planetjenn Says:

    These are the posts that make me follow your blog. I’ve skiied twice, ever. But, I have grocery store issues (cannot recall the first time I came here, but I know I read about some grocery store annoyance or other and was immediately hooked) and I identify with this post to the core of my clumsy, daft soul. I also appreciate that you use the word retarded because, PC or not, it has its place. Grazie!

  6. KanyonKris Says:

    Monday I cooked some steaks and walked away leaving the grill on until it ran out of propane.

    A co-worker has suggested I take an Alzheimer’s test, but I think I already know the answer.

  7. bikemike Says:

    were you using the word “retard” sarcastically, cause if you did, i think you need special permission. otherwise, you’re good to go.

  8. Dianne West Says:

    I’m guessing Maddy was having a laughing fit as you
    poured? your coke! I was laughing as I read that
    and even more now that I read about Ian’s prayer.
    Just wish I’d been there so I could have enjoyed
    the moment!! Still laughing!! Thanks for your post!

  9. planetjenn Says:

    Immediately after reading this post, I managed to pass my hand across the sink to grab a glass at the exact same time as I was…shall we say…getting rid of? the toothpaste in my mouth. Yup. All over the back of my hand and arm. Can’t make this stuff up.

    Oh, and I enjoy the ski posts, too. Living vicariously and all. Have a great weekend!

  10. Jeff Says:

    Oh yeah, you should definitely meet my wife. It’s like a carnival ride gone bad around here sometimes.

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