the world has changed

April 16, 2010

Take a look at this:

tp two

Looks like really nice toilet paper, right? Like the kind you wouldn’t mind using.

Well, look at this:

tp one

Yup, Western Family. Generic. And yet.

And yet, it’s cozy and comfy. It’s soft and supple. Firm and fantastic.

The world is changed. I feel it in the water. I feel it in the earth. I smell it in the air.

The days of paying top dollar for Charmin are over. I feel so liberated.

On another note, I took Orange out for the maiden voyage last night. No pictures because I was busy glorying in the ride. Cleaned the big new log. Cleaned the big stone steps. Cleaned the lower ghost pucker steepness.

Pure butter. Sweet sweetness. Rides a lot like my Surly Karate Monkey used to (but better), and that’s a good thing.

And the sucker is fast. Unfortunately, I’m kind of fat and slow, leaving me out of sight behind Jon, Rico, and Trent, so I guess it evens out. Which is okay.

Better than okay.

17 Responses to “the world has changed”

  1. mark Says:

    I thought you were going to say that the new CEO showed up, and his first order of business was putting tolerable toilet paper in all the bathrooms at work. Now that would be change we can believe in.

    Congrats on the new ride. Sorry I couldn’t be there. I really wanted to.

  2. KanyonKris Says:

    We’re Charmin addicts – must investigate this Western Family breakthrough.

    I was riding CC yesterday after work. Guess I missed you. Would have been nice to see the DreamCicle in action. Glad you like your new ride.

  3. KP Says:


    You just picked up a custom bike with quality and craftsmanship on par with the top builders in the industry, painted it my favorite color, finally took it out on the maiden voyage, and post not one (1) but two (2) pictures of toilet paper? I get to vicariously experience toilet paper? Really Dug? Really?

  4. Jonnie J Says:

    I meant to snap a photo or two of you on the new rig yesteday. Its a sweet looking ride, made only sweeter by the hot pink grips. I think you need to switch that fork out for the niner orange carbon. That would be trick-e.

  5. Big Boned Says:

    Congrats on the new ride. Will be looking forward to seeing some pics soon.
    Agree with the previous comments about the TP. I don’t care how wonderful it may be, I can’t believe it gets picture priority!

  6. Grizzly Adam Says:

    LOTR reference. Nerd.

  7. Bob B. Says:

    I’m glad you brought this up, because it’s a pet peeve of mine. For some reason — most likely the result of those “Don’t squeeze the Charmin” ads — people think Charmin is the softest toilet paper. It isn’t. It’s a cut above fast-food restaurant toilet paper. The best toilet paper is Quilted Northern. If Western Family can rival Quilted Northern, that would be saying something.

  8. bikemike Says:

    softness isn’r/can’t be the only (t)issue here. i’m glad we’re back in comfortable territory and for what it’s worth (nothing, i’m sure), along with the softness, do you get proper “adhesive” qualities with this new found toiletry?

  9. Miles Archer Says:

    I finally figured out what was bugging me about your new bike. It’s the color of earwax.

  10. AMR Says:

    I think you should look at this…
    Pretty, no? But you’ll need the crisp cheap stuff as it folds better.
    Happy adventures on your new wheels. So niiice.

  11. KanyonKris Says:

    Wait, doesn’t the magic toilet dry too? Still need paper?

    • dug Says:

      kris, the magic toilet ATTEMPTS to dry.

      here’s how i score the drying portion of the magic toilet contraption:

      Warm Air Dryer

      I don’t like to wash my car, which drives Kim crazy. On those rare occasions when I do make it to the local automatic touchless car wash, after I get through all the rainbow-colored soaps and rinses and all that, I find myself chomping at the bit during that maddening dryer part. The sign says “Exit Slowly” so that you can have the big dryer dry ALL of your car.

      It’s a joke. We all know the car isn’t really being “dried,” rather, the big air blower is simply blowing the water around. Let me say that again—NOT drying.

      Well, that’s kind of the deal with the Warm Air Dryer on the Jasmine. The first couple times I used the bidet, I trusted that my ass was dry, and I got up, pulled up my pants, and realized that no, turns out, NOT DRY.

      Now I just enjoy a few seconds of warm air blowing the water around, then go ahead and get some insurance toilet paper to avoid the dreaded leg drip.

      Score—2 out of 10

  12. dl Says:

    Whats with the control panel next to the toilet. Is that a thermostat for the bathroom? For the toilet seat?

  13. CB Says:

    I hate Charmin.
    Charmin=Butt Lint

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