uncontrolled discharge

April 30, 2010

The madness continues. In my official capacity as a sarcastic smart-ass, I declare that Smith’s is not my favorite store, and that whoever is in charge of their aisle signs is a retard. And I do not use that term lightly.

Okay, okay, I do, in fact, use that term lightly. But only because I’m part retard. Have I gone too far? Maybe I’ve gone too far. And now I’m babbling. Let’s move on.

Alert reader Michelle sent me yet another piece of evidence against the Peter-Principled sign painter at yet another Smith’s in the greater Salt Lake City area:

smiths incontinence

I guess this aisle is all about uncontrolled discharge and how to dispose of it. And maybe they stock sensitive men on this aisle. (And unicorns.)

Lovely. And come on, should this aisle really be by the food? Were they all out of space over in their comprehensive automotive aisle?

8 Responses to “uncontrolled discharge”

  1. Miles Archer Says:

    Hey, what happened to the picture?

    • KanyonKris Says:

      The first 3 times I clicked on it I got an error, but the forth time worked. This seems appropriate:

      “All the kings said I was daft to build a castle in a swamp, but I built it all the same, just to show ’em. It sank into the swamp. So, I built a second one. That sank into the swamp. So I built a third one. That burned down, fell over, then sank into the swamp. But the fourth one stayed up. An’ that’s what your gonna get, lad — the strongest castle in these islands.”

  2. Michele Says:

    I would like to point out that this aisle was actually one of the ones you would use to get to the milk. Not some random aisle at the opposite end of the store.

  3. mtb w Says:

    At least it is in the same aisle as the trash bags. Although their order makes me think that one has incontinence while on a picnic, requiring trash bags when paper products are insufficient.

  4. KanyonKris Says:

    Isn’t that special. Quite the combo on that sign.

    But why settle for a full house when Smiths could go for the straight flush of embarrassing products:

    feminine needs (love how it’s “needs”)
    incontinence
    STD needs
    condoms
    pornography

  5. bikemike Says:

    C’mon, we all know you have feminine needs when you go on a picnic. Duh!

  6. rabidrunner Says:

    If you think about it, those items are among the most hygienic or… um… sanitary, if you will. It makes perfect sense that the sanitary stuff would be by the food. (The FDA likes sanitation among all things edible.) I’m sure there are other people just like you, who are bothered by discharge. Perhaps you could suggest that Smiths ditch all things food and become, Smith’s Sanitary Supplies.

    On another somewhat related note, you should visit India. You won’t be bothered by items of sanitation because they don’t use any of it. Including toilet paper. (Except for in the fancy hotels and it’s a good thing I was warned of this lack of TP because I brought a suitcase full of it.) They don’t have an FDA either. The absence of such an organization will make you learn to love said organization. I love the FDA so much that I have “I heart FDA” bumper stickers on all of my vehicles.

    I wonder if they’re hiring…

  7. Anonymous Says:

    I think these very important items are placed where they are so you can quickly duck around the corner, grab them, and go back to selecting a nice mustard before the kids in your cart ever realize you wandered off.


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