call me

June 2, 2010

I am officially a whore for toilet paper.

And by officially, of course, I mean, you know, it’s my job now.

Okay, it’s NOT my job. But remember a while back when I let the secret out that generic toilet paper can (“can” is an important word here–not all generic toilet paper is created equal) be as good as the good stuff, like Charmin and Northern.

Oh, that reminds me, I was telling this story the other day, and when I mentioned the part about Charmin, someone said “I hate Charmin.” Which stopped me cold, of course, and when I had come to, she explained. “Because it makes me sneeze.”

I’m just going to let that go.


The point is, I found that Western Family makes toilet paper that is plenty good. Not just good, but as I said back in April, “cozy and comfy. It’s soft and supple. Firm and fantastic.” That good.

Last week, this arrived on my door step:

tp box outside

And this is what we found inside:

tp envelope box

And, in the spirit of striptease, this was next:

tp note box

Let’s see that note close up:

tp note close

Okay, so you know me, I won’t drink gasoline and tell you it’s Diet Coke. Unless someone backs up a giant truckload of money to my door. But so far, no truck.

The thing is, as much as I love good toilet paper, and as much as bad toilet paper can make one’s life miserable, and as much as I love that Western Family toilet paper is cozy, comfy, soft, supple, firm, and fantastic, why?

Why did it have to be toilet paper?

I mean, how many times have I told you how much I love my Black Diamond Megawatt skis?

Here, let me try this again.

I’ve been using the same pair of Marmot backcountry, softshell ski pants for 10 years. The Marmot ATV pant, which I don’t even think they make anymore, is the nicest bestest hiking ski pant ever. It cost me $100.

I’ve used it in the Alps, in the Wasatch, even just camping. It’s what I wear when I build and use the sled runs in the back yard. I don’t ever wear long underwear underneath because, well, it’s perfect as is (I do wear short underwear–don’t think you weren’t wondering, you were totally wondering). I’ve duct-taped the lower leg when it ripped on my ski boot buckle, and it just keeps going. I’ve looked to see if I can buy a back-up of it, but can’t find any. I could buy other kinds of hiking/skiing pants, but I don’t want others.

In all it’s glory:

tp marmot

Okay then. Let’s review.

Western Family Toilet Paper = Cozy and comfy. It’s soft and supple. Firm and fantastic.

The Marmot ATV pant = the nicest bestest hiking ski pant ever.

Marmot. Call me?


11 Responses to “call me”

  1. Jeff Says:

    After reviewing Yaktrax I got an offer from a Canadian company that makes “trail crampons” to review their product. In April. I think I’d rather have toilet paper.

  2. KanyonKris Says:

    Faux pas, my friend. Like when a girl brings you a plate of cookies and you ask about her roommate.

    How can Associate Food Stores and Western Family not feel jilted here? Me thinks you should have at least waited until the next post to ask for ski pants.

  3. bikemike Says:

    I like Scott Tissue best. Charmin slides around on my butt like a downhill skier on a timed run.

  4. chtrich Says:

    Agree with KK

    • dug Says:

      you think I might have hurt the toilet paper people’s feelings?

      • KanyonKris Says:

        Well, yeah. And did they write you an impersonal form letter? No, they went with the whimsical, personal hand-written toilet paper note, plus a thank you card. And you just brushed them aside for ski pants. Toilet paper people have feelings too!

  5. stevenbpt Says:

    In 1857, Joseph C. Gayetty of New York City invented toilet paper.

    Just read this and thought of you.

  6. KanyonKris Says:

    Prediction: a house in your neighborhood is getting TPed soon.

  7. […] five times a day? Who cares!” (That is, unless your target audience are people like dug then nobody, that’s […]

  8. […] five times a day? Who cares!” (That is, unless your target audience are people like dug then nobody, that’s […]

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