June 21, 2010
I’ve been spying on my kids, and I am sorely vexed.
Lemme splain. No, there is too much, lemme sum up.
I’ve got a computer at home, and it, like many home computers, accesses the Internets. So, like all good parents, I have installed technology to do my parenting for me. In short, I installed Net Nanny. And now, when I’m at work or at the ballet or something, sometimes I get little email alerts triggered by certain web activity.
For example, if someone on my home computer tries to access a website like superhotbabeswhoarealsointobaseball.com, my internet filter will send me an email, so that I can presumably shake my head sadly, and return my attention to watching the ballet.
Ha ha. That’s a joke, of course. I don’t ever go to the ballet.
Anyway. This magical technology also tells me when my kids indulge in Facebook chat/instant message activity that is potentially dangerous, bullying, filled with profanity, split infinitives, or if they misuse the word “ironic.” And the email alert I get contains the context, the lines around the “dangerous” stuff.
And you know what? Sometimes I wish the chats WERE filled with that stuff. Because instead, what I find is the horrifying, mind-numbing, ubiquitous use of “Ha Ha!”
It’s killing me.
“hey. haven’t talked to you in a long time. ha ha.”
“i know. we should hang out. ha ha.”
“ha ha. totally. call me. ha ha.”
I’m thinking of getting rid of the Internet.