July 21, 2010
Me n Kim n Maddy went to see a movie the other night, because it had been too long since I was reminded of how much I hate people.
Not YOU people—other people. You people are fantastic.
People in movie theaters, I’m not so fond of them.
I waited until we got to the theater to pre-select my seats, giving possible miscreants every opportunity to choose before me. I chose a row to the side, where nobody was sitting in front of, next to, or behind us. I waited until almost show time to purchase.
After we sat down, after the previews started, a family worked their way up the aisle, stopped in front of us, looked around, looked at their seats, and said to each other “Let’s just sit here.”
They were followed by a young couple, late teens by the look of them. They stopped next to us. Looked around. Looked at their tickets. And he said “Let’s just sit here.”
In other words, rather than try to find the seats they had reserved, they just sat in the empty seats directly in front of me and directly behind me.
I will not punch myself in the face yet, because first I have to tell you that while the family in front of us turned out to be ideal movie goers, the young couple behind us were apparently unaware that during a movie (even an animated movie—it’s STILL $8.50 per ticket for the love of Mike) is exactly the wrong time to tell your date the story of your life. If there is ever a right time.
Okay, NOW I will punch myself in the face.
But I’m not one of those guys who complains and complains and doesn’t offer solutions. I’ve got a solution, even one that doesn’t involve some tie-downs and a Zamboni.
eBay. No, I’m not saying we should sell these people on eBay. That’s ridiculous. Who would even want them?
But eBay has the solution. Buyer and Seller Feedback. Right? Sellers rate the buyers and buyers rate the sellers. You earn a reputation, and people want to buy or sell (or process—ha!) with people that have good reputations.
That’s how the movie theater should work. People that sit down, shut up, and watch the movie would get feedback from the movie-goers around them. If you’re a loud mouth who can’t stop kicking the chair in front of you, people should have the right to know that BEFORE they sit in front of you.
Who would object to this? Not the loud-talkers—They wouldn’t even notice something was happening.
But the rest of us (an ever shrinking minority) would notice. Oh, we would notice. Your movie theater reputation would be everything.
It’s like Cassio said. Or was it Frankenstein?
Reputation, reputation, reputation! O, I have lost my reputation! I have lost the immortal part of myself, and what remains is bestial.
I would get the best score. I’m telling you. But those star-crossed lovers sitting behind me Monday night? They would be sitting in the mothers-with-crying-babies room.
There’s one of those too, in my heaven.