i was tired

September 9, 2010

Patton is one of my top five war movies, and maybe one of my top ten movies generally.

Remember the scene where Patton is visiting the hospital, talking to the wounded, and he comes across one guy who is crying, and he asks him what his deal is, and the guy says “I just can’t take the noise.”

So, of course, Patton calls him a coward and slaps him. Multiple times.

I am the soldier in this scenario. I did the Park City Point to Point last Saturday, and I posted my write-up on Monday, full of drama and pain and misery and suffering.

And then I read everyone else’s race reports. And I need someone to slap me.

Why did I suffer? Did I have debilitating cramps that knocked me off my bike and made me sit down for an hour? Did I stop by the side of the trail to projectile puke my guts up for ten minutes? Did I get knocked off my bike by some yahoo into the dirt and break a spoke in the first half hour of racing? Did my frame break around the seat post collar causing me to ride the last 18 miles with a loose bmx-height seat? Did I get lost and miss the cutoff? (Will these questions ever end?)

No.

I was tired.

I got thirsty.

That’s all. My arms didn’t hurt. No blisters on my hands. I didn’t come from two months living at sea level to race at 9,000 feet. I didn’t spend an hour in the PCMR aid station outhouse just  hoping to keep my intestines in.

The common thread through all the race reports I saw—no matter how fast you were going, whether you finished in 8 hours or 12 hours or any hours in between, all the race reports sounded the same. Everybody suffered. If I didn’t know Aaron or Brandon or Sam or Adam (or any of a dozen other fast guys), and I read their race reports, I would have figured they were going to tell me they finished in 12 hours, because all their stories were full of suffering.

But these were fast guys. Some sub-9 hour type guys. Kenny had 3 flats, and lost first place in the SS division when the eventual winner rode by him as he was fixing the last one. Jon had to stop and put air in his tire 5 times. Aaron or Brandon (I can’t keep them straight) rode on his rim for a mile because he didn’t want to take the time or lose the momentum to fix it.

All these stories of suffering and heroism (okay, yes, it’s a bit dramatic to use the word heroism for a stupid bike race. See the next sentence.) are in the links on the sidebar.

I’ll STFU now and do my best to HTFU next year.

That’s right. I said “next year.” See you there.

28 Responses to “i was tired”

  1. BM Says:

    Dug, you magnificent bastard…I read your blog! (just now)

  2. mark Says:

    Patton bitch slapping a kid that’s shell shocked, or to use today’s euphemism, suffering from PTSD, is a bit disturbing to say the least. But it sounds like that’s just the sort of treatment that course dished out. Eber gets my nomination for toughest SOB on a day when there were a lot of tough SOBs.

  3. Aaron Says:

    Dude, Brandon and I aren’t that similar. So we’re the same height and build. So we have the same last name. So we both like to ride bikes and snowboard, married wives with similar heights, builds and hair color, and ride at approximately the same speed. Like I said. Not that similar. Your writeup still kicked ass, even if you’re a yella bastard.

  4. KanyonKris Says:

    Please schedule a visit with your psychiatric services provider.

  5. stevebpt Says:

    Dummy was the second word that came to mind!! Good luck!

  6. Six Says:

    I’m proud of you Dug. You did good and coming back next year shows your true character.

  7. bikemike Says:

    did patton ever ride a single speed, non suspended moutain bike for 78 miles and 11,500 feet of climbing? yeah, i didn’t think so. who’s the kitty cat now?
    i saw that movie when it opened on the day my grandfather died. i don’t hold el general/georgie boy in the same high regard. bad memories.

    • dug Says:

      sorry man. but still. “I love it. God help me I do love it so. I love it more than my life”

      sorry again.

      • bikemike Says:

        oh, it’s all good. i still tear up during chitty chitty bang bang, i had no chance with patton. i think i’ve got issues. i still love a good john wayne cowboy/war shoot ’em up, though. who’s tougher, the duke or george c.?

  8. VH1 Says:

    I will commit right now to the PCPP 2011. There I said it, no backing out now.

  9. Paul Guyot Says:

    For Dug and any others riding in 2011…

    I want you to remember that no bastard ever won a bike race by crying at the finish. He won it by making the other poor, dumb bastard cry at his finish.

    Dug, all this stuff you’ve heard about Fatties not wanting to ride, wanting to stay out of the PCP2P is a lot of horse dump. Fatties, traditionally, love to ride. All real Fatties love the sting of climbing.

    When you were kids, you all admired the champion marble shooter, the fastest runner, big league ball player, the toughest boxer.

    Fatties love a winner. And will not tolerate a loser. Fatties ride to finish all the time. I wouldn’t give a hoot in Hell for a Fatty who quit and laughed. That’s why Fatties have never quit, and will never quit a race, because the very thought of quitting is hateful to Fatties.

    Now… Team Fatty is a team. It rides, eats, poops as a team. This individuality stuff is a bunch of crap. The bilious bastards who wrote that stuff about individuality for the Velonews don’t know anything more about real riding than they do about fornicating.

    Now Fatties have the finest gear and jerseys, the best spirit, and the best riders in the world. You know, by God, I actually pity those poor single-tracks you’re going up against, by God, I do. You’re not just going to ride the bastards, you’re going to cut out their living guts and use them to grease the chain of your bike! You’re going to murder those lousy Park single-tracks by the bushel.

    Now… some of you Fatties, I know are wondering, whether or not you’ll chicken out before the ride. Don’t worry about it. I can assure you that you will all do your duty. Or in Elden’s case, dooty.

    The single-tracks are the enemy. Wade into them. Spill their dirt. Ride them with in your belly. When you put your tongue into a bunch of GU, that a moment before was your best friend’s face, you’ll know what to do. (wtf?)

    Now there’s another thing I want you to remember. I don’t want to get any messages saying you are holding your position. You’re not holding anything. Let the aid station volunteers do that.

    You are advancing constantly and you’re not interested in holding on to anything except your bike. You’re going to hold on to it by the bars and kick those single-tracks in the ass. You’re going to kick the hell out of them all the time and you’re going to go over them like crap through a goose!

    Now… there’s one thing that you Fatties will be able to say when you get back home, and you may thank God for it. Thirty years from now, when you’re sitting around your fireside with your grandson on your knee, and he asks you, ‘What did you do in the great PCP2P,’ you won’t have to say, ‘Well, I shoveled Elden’s poop in the Porta-Potty.’

    All right, now you sons of bitches, you know how I feel. Oh… I would be proud to cheer you wonderful Fatties on in a race anytime… anywhere.

    That’s all.

  10. Mark Says:

    So let me get this straight: You are committing to ride P2P in 2011 because you didn’t suffer enough in 2010? If that’s true, I’m curious to know the details of your plan for a successful 2011 race. Ride with no gloves? Leave your sunglasses at home? Wear shorts with no chamois? Ride a cx bike? Refuse to stop at the aid stations? Use platform pedals? Filter your water from natural sources along the course? Ride with ankle weights?

    I think Kris is correct. Schedule an appointment with your psychiatric services provider.

  11. stevebpt Says:

    speaking of natural sources, any response from your GI track from drinking that bottle full of natural lake water?

  12. Derron Says:

    I really regret dropping out of the race at ~55 miles in because of some stupid cramping and the idea that I’d never finish under 12 hours. Who the hell cares? I still should’ve gone for it. No guts, no glory, right? 2011 PCPP…you are are in for one hell of a beating by yours truly!

  13. Steve The BigRide Says:

    sniff, sniff, sob sob, I can’t take all the words !

  14. Eric Says:

    I read your ride wrtie-up maybe a minute, give or take, after you posted it. It appeared to be written when you were still a little shell shocked. It could have been written within an hour after finishing the race, that’s how raw the writing and emotions appeared. Then when I checked back for the comments here and there over the next few days, the ride recap had been edited with pictures and more detail. I could tell the edge was gone and you were recovering. The first version was the best because it communicated the intensity of the event and sensations.

    It’s also possible that some of the other recaps, that didn’t get posted right away, weren’t as edgy as yours because they weren’t penned right away. They had a chance to reflect and mellow.

    Patton – badass movie and General.

  15. tibiker Says:

    I’m showing this to my wife so she’ll finally realize that I don’t write the longest replies / e-mails / letters in the world. That honor goes to Paul.

    Paul, I loved the “crap through a goose” line. Hilarious.

    Wasn’t convincing though, I’m still out for 2011, slap me if you want.

  16. Jonnie J Says:

    One of the toughest races ive done….but one of the funnest too. Countmein for 2011, if I can get in!


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