my answers

September 27, 2010

1. Do you say Icing or Frosting?

I say frosting. To those of you who used words like “pompous” (or “pompus”) to describe the use of either, well, you may want to look up the definition of pompous (or pompus).

I think I said Icing growing up in Minnesota. Some of you mentioned the whole “icing is thin, frosting is thick, glaze is blah blah blah.” I dunno. I don’t actually care about this answer, this question was just to get you warmed up.

In fact, I’ll tell you right now, I only really cared about the last question, but if I only asked that question you might not have participated. It’s like religion—if you don’t make people pay for it, they won’t take you seriously.

What? No, just kidding, I cared about all of the questions. To show you how much I cared about all of them, lets talk about the rest of them.

2. Do you say “On” accident or “By” accident?

Really this isn’t a debate. It’s By accident. Come on. ON accident? It makes my head buzz a little when I hear it.

But I’m fighting a losing battle on this one. There’s a research paper on this that says people 35 and older tend to say By accident, and those younger or with a serious head injury tend to say On accident.

And for the record, I’m the only one in my house who says By accident. So I’ve got that going for me. Which is nice.

3. Do you say Pop or Soda?

Clearly a regional question. I grew up in Minnesota. We not only said Pop, but we purchased crates of Pop at the local Pic a Pop and Pop Shoppe. I still remember the commercial where the mom asks her son “What are you putting on your cereal?” and the boy says “Orange pop, mom!”

If someone said to me now, do you say Soda or Pop, it would be Soda every time. But nobody ever says that to me. But they do say “Hey, you want a coke?” (I love people who say that to me.) And by coke, they know, if they’ve ever met me, that coke=Diet Coke.

And Rob (dug’s brother), when you say “I used to say “pop” in Canada,” do you mean, for one week every summer? You know. Since we lived in Minnesota. Not in Canada.

4. Prepositions. I threw this question in jus fer fun. Because it brings the crazies out (ha!). I’ll tell you straight up, I’m a Descriptivist, not a Prescriptivist. Except when I’m not.

And yet. And yet, I feel about prepositions kind of the same way I feel about Picasso or Jackson Pollock. And the Man from Snowy River.

Which is to say, before you get to end a sentence with a preposition, you need to spend a long time NOT ending sentences with prepositions. You need to know what a preposition is. You need to “go back to the low country and eaaaaarn the right to live in the mountains, just like yer fahther did!”

And then. And then you can do whatever the hell you want. Preposition-wise.

5.  Do you care about what kind of vanilla you put in your cookies?

I get it—not everyone cares about vanilla. Not everyone cares about cookies either. Like Scott, who said “I don’t put unhealthy things in my body” (but then said “I drink Gatorade like it’s water.” What? He didn’t say exactly that? That’s what I heard in my head.)

But here’s the thing—I CARE ABOUT VANILLA.

That’s really what I want you to know about me. That’s what I want on my tombstone.

He Really Cared About Vanilla.

To those of you who care about vanilla—God bless.

To those of you who don’t know what I’m talking about—Go back to the low country.

To those of you who know the difference between good vanilla and what is euphemistically called “imitation vanilla extract” and yet still don’t care, who would rather save a few (dozen) dollars, who just plain stare at the sun and tell me it’s not shining?

You are like the dwarves in the stable at the end of The Last Battle. Enjoy that.

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23 Responses to “my answers”

  1. Flying Ute Says:

    Brilliant! I’m going to have a Diet-Coke today in your honor.

    And that’s saying something!

    Our friends from Florida sent us a little vial of magical Vanilla. Not sure where it came from but it’s gotta be illegal.

    It makes the most amazing Frosting.

  2. Rachel Says:

    You know how, when you’re watching the original Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory (with Gene Wilder), and you think Willy Wonka is amazing and genius and you love him, but then the more you see of him you realize he’s possibly a little more than slightly crazy, and instead of laughing you’re sort of stuck in this half-crazed, frightened smile? But then, by the end, you really like him again?

    Well.

  3. bikemike Says:

    hey, in my defense (for which there is none), i just got back from las vegas. if you want to talk about gambling, crappy buffets, whores and un-godly sums of money being spent on hotels that touch the sky, i’m your man.

    vanilla, not so much.

    eddy merckx has a $21,000 bike now, it’s like frosting on a cake.

  4. mark Says:

    Never start a land war in Asia. Never have a battle of wits with a Sicilian when death is on the line. Never put crappy imitation vanilla extract in your cookies (or anything else for that matter).

  5. Grizzly Adam Says:

    You can bid the mob good day.

  6. KanyonKris Says:

    I think On Accident came about as the opposite of On Purpose.

    My wife makes the cookies and I eat them. If she tells me fake vanilla is good enough, I don’t argue because I like cookies.

  7. anon Says:

    So you like vanilla. Fine. But isn’t this a lot of work just to render that point?

  8. BM Says:

    Do you think your views on prepositions and your interest in bathrooms could be related?

  9. tohellandback1st Says:

    so now we know what number 5 is for?

    https://suncrestdug.wordpress.com/2010/07/06/i-dont-care/

  10. Nick - Seattle Says:

    I am intrigued by the Man from snowy River reference.

    Are we talking movie or poetry?

  11. Steve The BigRide Says:

    I have a question –
    Do you prefer the silencing rhythms of white noise or the deafening sound of silence when you sleep?

  12. Ray Says:

    Shame on you dug. The Man from Snowy River by Banjo Patterson is an iconic Australian bush poem. All the spinoffs are mere pap.

    And you are right, you have to earn your stripes before you can break the rules. So go earn your Man from Snowy River stripes and read the damn thing.

  13. Grant Says:

    OMG! I watched The Man From Snowy River, like 2 days ago! And then I watched the 5 minutes from the sequel where he shows that uppity army dude how its done.

  14. Jenn Says:

    Just snorted Coke Zero out my nose. Thanks, guys.

    • Jenn Says:

      Well crap. That last comment makes no sense, because it didn’t land under the “who are you and how did you get inside my head” comments. My interwebs are malfunctioning.


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