November 3, 2010
I am absolutely certain that I consumed more than thirty “fun-sized” candy bars on Sunday.
On Saturday morning, I stopped at the grocery store for whatever. And I bought a couple bags of candy, even though we planned on going to a friend’s house for the evening. Because it’s Halloween, dammit.
But later, we changed our plans, and ended up staying home and watching a movie. So I ran to the store to make sure we had enough candy to hand out. Even though last year we had like 10 trick or treaters the whole night. And my philosophy is don’t hand out anything I wouldn’t want to eat ten of. So we ended up with a giant bucket of fun sized Reeses Peanut Butter Cups, Kit Kats, Butterfingers, and Milky Ways.
And I gave away less than half.
Because here’s how Halloween went down for us. Maddy and Ian are too old and too cool to trick or treat, and they had parties to go to. And for some reason they don’t sit down and gorge themselves on this stuff like I do.
But Holden was up for one last (or not) trip out. So he braved the rain, and came home with his own giant bag of candy.
So, to sum up, I ate about 20 bars on Saturday, more than 30 on Sunday, and finished off the rest on Monday.
But Holden, freaky kid that he is, has been nursing his giant bag. And last night, oh, about 2am, I woke up feeling peckish. And I snuck into his room like the Grinch, and gently eased a fun sized Reeses from the green Harmons bag.
And he sat straight up and said “Dad?” Kind of like when Cindy Loo Hoo says “Santa, why are you taking our Christmas Tree? WHY?”
Thinking fast, I laughed and said “Ha, you caught me, I was going to hide your big bag of candy. Wouldn’t that have been funny? Ha ha! Here, I’ll put it back.”
Except, my voice was all muffled because my mouth was stuffed with a fun sized Reeses Peanut Butter cup.
But it’s all good. He never remembers stuff that happens in the middle of the night. I’ll see him again at 2am.