December 21, 2010
Today I present offsetting penalties. Sort of.
I’ve done something manly. And I’ve done something UNmanly.
I say they offset. It’s important that they offset so that I don’t have to turn in my penis.
What, you’ve never seen Penny Arcade?
Terrifying, right? But not liking 300 isn’t my sin. I mean, I didn’t particularly like 300, but my point is, that’s not my sin.
Here is my sin:
My friend Jen emailed me yesterday and asked if I still baked cookies on the same baking stone. And duh, of course I do. I’m proud of my baking stone. I’ve had the same one for over a decade. It’s quite seasoned.
And normally, having a baking stone you’ve been using for over a decade to bake delicious cookies would be a qualifying event for turning in your penis.
Except, remember, offsetting penalties?
This morning my snowblower broke down, so I shoveled the entire driveway. With a shovel. It’s like an acre. And then, when I got in the Landcruiser, the battery was dead.
So I pulled the 98 Explorer in next to it, jumped it, drove it to Walmart, bought a new battery, and installed the new battery in the Walmart parking lot. In a snowstorm.
So I’m keeping my penis.
Not that I was putting it up to a vote.