the end is near

February 7, 2011

Saturday me n Ian and Ian’s uncles, Rick n Daniel, went to Snowbird. It was a dark and stormy morning, and at the ticket window, I saw this sign for the very first time:

black day

Yikes. So we went home.

No, no we didn’t. Seriously? A BLACK day? Are they using Tom Ridge’s color coded terror alert system?

Regardless of the heightened alert levels, we had a great morning. Lots of soft snow. Which leads me to believe that the ominous “Black Day” sign did NOT in fact, refer to snow or weather conditions, but rather, referred instead to a brief re-enactment of Hitchcock’s “The Birds” which took place on the drive home.

So we’re driving north (of course, I mean south–the lesson, yada yada yada) on 1300 East, almost to the bridge before Highland Drive. I’m about to tell a particularly amusing anecdote (as is my wont), when Ian yells (literally) “Woah!”

A largish flock of birds of undetermined species came left to right across the road, and as one, like a giant flock of miniature Blue Angels, they dive bombed our car. Literally. They dove and they bombed.

As in, one second they are coming at us. And the next second, the front half of the car is completely covered in bird @#!*% . Like Rick said, it was like a hate crime. (At least, we hated it.)

I’ve never seen anything like it. I once read a book, as a teenager, about a planet that was hostile to humans, and every species of plant and animal on the planet quickly evolved to attack and destroy humans.

I’m telling you, this might be the beginning of the end. As in, THE END IS NEAR!

I had the presence of mind to stop and get the car washed. Alas, I did NOT have the presence of mind to take a picture of the carnage.

So I’ve re-created it for you here. It’s almost the same.

car poo

16 Responses to “the end is near”

  1. KanyonKris Says:

    I didn’t know you own a tandem.

    • dug Says:

      i don’t, it’s on loan from a friend.

      although, i bet it’s not the only thing in my house or garage you didn’t know i have.

  2. bikemike Says:

    how did you get square bird poop out of a round hole?

  3. BM Says:

    Birds, silkworms, mountain goats. The axis of evil.

  4. Anonymous Says:

    wouldn’t that be “south” on 1300?

  5. BM Says:

    Decades ago I was walking along a beach when I spotted 3 gulls approaching at 12:00. When they got close they simultaneously pulled back on their sticks, the wingmen split from the leader, and they let go their payloads. The only thing missing was a vapour trail.

    From the looks of your truck, it appears they’ve taken up carpet crapping.

  6. linfin Says:

    Come on, just admit it, you didn’t read a book, you just don’t want to admit you saw that stupid M Night Syamalan movie with Mark Wahlberg, about plants killing people by using the wind.

    • dug Says:

      linfin, you made me do some google searching to find it. it wasn’t easy. took upwards of 5 or 6 minutes.

      i was a big fan of harry harrison as a kid. the stainless steel rat lives!

      this is from his deathworld trilogy:

      “Everything on the planet is predatory, and capable of killing an unwary human instantly. All large animals are strong enough to destroy small vehicles. All small animals have neurotoxic venom. All plants are carnivorous, even if only by default—their victims fertilize their soil. All microorganisms consume insufficiently protected tissue as quickly as acids. On top of this, all the aforementioned life evolves so quickly that even Kerk and his Pyrran crew have to be retrained upon their return in order to survive.”

  7. Steve the BigRide Says:

    I was in the Keys one day minding my own business having lunch in some waterside dive, when some fat SUV decided to squeeze into the spot next to the Jeep. Surveying the situation I decided to take revenge for not being able to squeeze between the cars to get into mine. I launched my unfinished fries all over Fatso SUV as I drove away, soft top Jeeps are cool, and was delighted watching grackles and seagulls enjoy the rest of my lunch. Hate crime? Hell to the yes.


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