sign her what?

February 22, 2011

Let me be clear—I don’t really feel like I have a public. I expect there are about 50 people in the world who have ever been to this space more than a couple times. Most of them by accident, because they were searching for Muffintop pictures or something.

Which is why I was caught off guard the other day when someone, possibly the same someone who told me “hey, my wife loves your blog,” told me that his wife’s mother also reads (or has read) the blog. In particular the Open Mic Day post of a couple years ago.

And, in fact, she was in the building. And would like to meet me.

I was torn between fleeing the building and putting on giant FLY sunglasses.

I settled on just sitting there, while said friend’s wife approached with said friend’s mother in law.

We said some pleasant hellos and nice to meet yous, and then, because I just cannot refrain from making stupid jokes at all times and in all places, I said “well, I feel like I should sign something of yours.”

Without missing a beat, with really no hesitation at all, like maybe this was a conversation the woman and her mother had all the time, like, maybe when they were at a Cure concert or something, my friend’s wife blurted out “Sign her boob!”

Yes, her mother’s boob.

Oh, did I mention that we were at church? In the chapel?

The levels of awkward just got a new entry.

Of course, I pulled out a pen.


23 Responses to “sign her what?”

  1. KanyonKris Says:

    Now that my laughter has subsided, of course you had to sign it. Why? I defer to scripture:

    Seinfeld book of Abstinence: “I calculated my odds of ever getting together with a Portuguese waitress. Mathematically, I had to do it, Jerry.”

    I think it’s safe to say the intent of the holy writ allows substituting “signing a boob” for “getting together with a Portuguese waitress.”

  2. skippy Says:

    Well stranger things can happen whilst in chapel !

    Checkout my blog , you will agree that the subject is worth reporting on !

    Hope you will add me to your reading list after checking the other blogs on my profile.

    Ski touring is out now that i have had a repeat of the Embulisms , and the past days were the first signs of any snow this year . About 10cms in the valley but must be more at 2500m .

  3. stevebpt Says:

    Wow, how fast did the mother run in the other direction? I don’t put a lot past you but signing said boob in the chapel strikes me as crossing some sort of line! Not to mention Kim’s reaction. You famous guy you!

    • dug Says:

      woah there. i didn’t say i actually SIGNED the boob. i’m just saying i pulled out a pen.

      you know. in the spirit of making a joke anytime, anywhere.

      • stevebpt Says:

        no problem, you mis-understood me. I figured that was one of your lines. I was wondering what land speed record the mom was breaking to get out of the chapel.

        I am all in favor of making a good joke, or a bad one, in all places, any time. This was definitely a good one.

  4. VaLene Says:

    Open Mic Day – that’s my favorite of your posts, along with the stories in the comments. I laughed so hard.

  5. bikemike Says:

    hey, a boob is one of god’s creations. sign away my friend. keep us posted when they have topless open mic day.

  6. Adventure Nell Says:

    You have a reader in Victoria, BC, Canada, actually a couple of them. So theres ya goes, eh!

  7. rabidrunner Says:

    That “open mic” thing might as well be your finest contribution to man-kind. “Open mic” is referred to often by the circles in which I run. Well done.

  8. sydneyss Says:

    You have a reader from Sydney, Australia, here.

    feedback: More office hijink stories needed, but it’s all awesome.

  9. stevebpt Says:

    another contribution is the no butt look in spandex.

  10. tibiker Says:

    OK you got me, I’m curious about the “Open Mic Day” post.
    Can you link it, or give me the month and year?

  11. Steve the BigRide Says:

    How big is this chapel that you have never seen these people there before? Sounds like stalker material. Maybe she’ll keep you captive, break your legs and make you write blogs about her. Of course you now have an opening line at parties to break out this story ” Speaking of boobs…..”

    • dug Says:

      not so big. i know the guy. i know his wife. his wife’s mother was visiting from out of state. i didn’t know her.

      and love the misery reference.

  12. JB Says:

    You could do a follow up to this post with Kim’s reaction. Great story.

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