renovations and faux pas

March 4, 2011

Kim and I are a bit hard on phones. She has an iPhone with a cracked screen. I have a Samsung Galaxy with, yup, a cracked screen.

We finally decided to get hers fixed, so I met her and Ian at the Fashion Place Mall where they have a phone accessory kiosk that also fixes iPhone screens. I’ve gotten away from the whole “meeting ex-KGB agents in 7-Eleven parking lots and going with them to shady neighborhoods” thing.

Anyway, this isn’t about phones. Believe it or not, it’s about bathrooms.

Fashion Place Mall has been under renovation about as long as Da Vinci’s The Last Supper, and like The Last Supper, you can use/see it during the process.

I have to say, the Fashion Place Mall people have their priorities straight. While the exterior of the mall is partially covered in scaffolding, they have the bathrooms done.

Does this look like a mall bathroom to you?

mall ian waiting

Pretty nice.

And this:

mall bathroom counter

Even nicer.

So, while we were in there, someone committed one of the great bathroom faux pas. The first, of course, is talking in the bathroom, but only slightly less well known is leaning on the urinal stall dividers.

I hate that. Hate it.

But I don’t hate it enough to risk taking a picture of the 400 lb man committing the atrocity.

So, here’s a reenactment:

mall stall lean

I guess I’ll have to burn that shirt now. That’s how I’m willing to sacrifice for my art.


27 Responses to “renovations and faux pas”

  1. Rob (dug's brother) Says:

    ah, but what about the 2 armed lean against the front wall? I saw that one the other day and wanted to start commenting on how far poo flecks proverbially travel after a flush. and where they might land.

    and the idea of “NO HANDS?!!!” seriously?! This is one place where the more hands the better. (so long as they all belong to you, of course)

  2. dug Says:

    rob, we are on the same page here. amen.

    and, “(so long as they all belong to you, of course)”

    so glad you added that.

  3. Michele Says:

    Last time I was there, a lady was even portering the bathroom. I was so impressed. I had to remember that I was still in Fashion Place, not some hotel.

  4. stevebpt Says:

    What, a post about bathrooms in this space. I can’t believe you went there.

    Seriously though, nice bathroom. You did miss out on getting a shot of the seated option.

    What do you people have against talking in the bathroom? Was Ian sworn to silence until you come out the door?

  5. Rachl Says:

    Was Ian unwilling to pose while you took the picture? Or was his price too high?

  6. bikemike Says:

    if he was truly 400 lbs. he probably has no choice but to lean. to quote our beloved westley, “why won’t my arms move”?

  7. anon Says:

    In the airport yesterday (Chicago O’hare,and O’Hare isn’t known for it’s cleanly/sanitized restrooms) I lined up next to a guy who was resting his free hand on the top of the urinal. Free hand on porcelain. I’m sure he would have been a leaner like your 400 lb friend, but in this airport there are no dividers between urinals to lean on.

    When I put myself into position next to him (being the only open spot), he looked over and began conversation. No divider, free hand resting on urinal, man looking at me trying to engage in conversation. I was forced to zip up and leave before I even started.

    • Rob (dug's brother) Says:

      You know, I’m convinced that talkers are naturally prone to being leaners. The upside to this is that this should make it easier to identify them when the time comes to clean the earth of them.

    • dug Says:


      the only thing worse than what you just went through is getting involved in a land war in asia.

    • Jeff Says:

      A couple years ago I was at a sprint car race (not to be confused with a Sprint Cup race) and during an extended red flag used the bathrooms.

      People were setting their beers on the top of the urinal while they went about their business.

      I guess at least they used their hands.

  8. Rob Says:

    I have a think against drinking fountains right next to (to say the least of IN) bathrooms. I know – waterlines and and sewer lines are completely separate but still. I want to have enough separation between my place of drinking and my place of bathrooming.

    • dug Says:

      ELAINE: Why couldn’t you just wait?
      GEORGE: I was there! I saw a drain!
      ELAINE: Since when is a drain a toilet?!
      GEORGE: It’s all pipes! What’s the difference?!
      ELAINE: Different pipes go to different places! You’re gonna mix ’em up!
      GEORGE: I’ll call a plumber right now!
      JERRY: Alright, can we just drop all the pee-pipe stuff here?

  9. KanyonKris Says:

    This post and all the Princes Bride and Seinfeld reference are starting my weekend off nicely. Thanks.

  10. Jenn Says:

    Do I detect a nod to Paul Simon in the title of this post?

  11. mark Says:

    I had dinner last night with Sam C’s counterpart on the male side of the business. They can clean out the prostate with a simple laser procedure. I think the guys that lean are leaning because the effort of forcing the stream through a pinhole is so significant.

    There’s got to be an advertising opportunity here somewhere.

  12. roan Says:

    Such a posh pot. “…there’s a bit of a story around the picture taking…”
    Hummm, you were sighted & cited by the Fashion Place Police for having your shirt tail out ?
    Rachl please post an update, because I won’t see you on Sunday.

  13. roan Says:

    Rachl, PLEASE an update because the other posibilty has me worried, Ian was cited by the Fashion Police when he took the picture and charged for being a pee ping tom.

  14. roan Says:

    I’ve spent most of the morning reading blogs linked off Fatty site. Eldon’s site is amazing but now that I ventured to dug’s & kanyon kris’s I’m extremely impressed. Y’all live in the same area…it must be the water. dug you take the ‘cake’ with your toilet pics, kanyon kris with “Ride Around White Rim” and Fatty, I never know where he is taking me, sometimes I cry sometimes I cry. Y’all are great.
    My apology to Rachl…err Rachel, I have problems with the younger gens and their names, typo or simplicity, I vote for the latter.

  15. JZ Says:

    I worked with an older gentlemen that was a two hands up against the wall urinal man, like he was ready to be patted down. I think the whole “hands free” approach is a more about boasting than anything else if you know what I mean. Also, he may actually have been of the generation that actual uses the zipper and fly opening on his underwear for their intended purpose, which I would guess provides some directional control.

  16. KanyonKris Says:

    Upon further reflection, you do look comfortable in that lean. I may have to try it.

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