no more sausages

March 29, 2011

Let’s say you’re the world’s greatest Dad, and you get up before the kids and make them eggs and sausage.

But you have a near breakdown trying to get the sausages cooked evenly on all sides.

eggs and sausage

You dump them onto the griddle, they sizzle and pop and generally smell great.

And you may even successfully get them all turned to the other side.

But how do you get them cooked on sides 3 and 4? How do you keep those squirrely ones from rolling away from the flock?

I just want to set them on there and walk away, but I can’t stand it. I stand there with like five utensils trying to keep them in line, but they’re like children the way they are all different, and one is always running off, and one won’t cook right, and some just stay in the pack and never move, and, and, and . . .

Okay, that’s IT—No more sausages.

24 Responses to “no more sausages”

  1. murchball Says:

    Use flat sausage. Great in breakfast sandwiches too

  2. stevebpt Says:

    you could buy one of those commercial roller cookers you see at gas station and convenience stores. perfect every time. no idea on cost. I’m sure it can’t be much. Oh, and take a prozac.

  3. eric Says:

    patties. no need to reinvent the wheel.

  4. dug Says:

    no. no flat sausages. those are weird. i’m not even sure they’re sausages.

    plus then i’d be tempted to try to stand them on end and eternally grill the edges. you think i’m aggravated NOW?

  5. Grizzly Adam Says:

    Yeah. What the others said. Patties. Or one of those vertical hot dog toasters.

  6. bikemike Says:

    did you burn the eggs, too?

  7. Nate Says:

    what time is breakfast? Looks good!

  8. Michele Says:

    Why would you eat sausage when there is such thing as bacon?

  9. BM Says:

    Ok but your simile has me confused. Which of your kids is the one that won’t cook right?

  10. KanyonKris Says:

    I’m with you here, dug. I like evenly browned sausage. And dang if those things don’t have (or develop) a curl making the concave and convex sides frustrating to cook.

    It’s been a long time since I did sausage, but I seem to recall putting the sausage at an angle to the edge of the pan and “curbing” them against it so they wouldn’t roll off. Only works with limited success though.

    I wonder if you could put something like a chunk of 2×4 across the top and just slowly roll the sausages along.

    And I agree, flat pattys are not sausage (although I like them fine in a Sausage McMuffin, go figure).

  11. Diane in WA Says:

    I place them in a pan, put a lid on the pan, and only have to turn them once. They get as brown as you want and no splatters. But, I agree, the kids should be cooking.

  12. JB Says:

    Last year’s “Dad of the Year” award winner made belgian waffles for breakfast!

  13. JZ Says:

    From the title I thought this was going to be a post about the crowded backcountry or the lack of female backcountry skiers. Oh well.

    Sausage patties? Not even in the same league. Bacon is better, but real bacon is a mess.

  14. Stephen Says:

    Place a metal measuring cup upside down on top of the sausage. They are heavy enough to keep the sausage in place but not heavy enough to mush them. Then rotate the sausages periodically by pushing the measuring cup a few centimeters. If it wants to roll back, lay a knife across the pan so the measuring cup will bump into the knife.

  15. Bandit Says:

    Take a small grill (like the one in my toaster oven) and set it over the top of the cooking sausages so that they are lined up with the grates and thus, can’t move. Move the grate as needed to brown them evenly.

  16. stevebpt Says:

    ENOUGH of the type A sausage cooking!! cook on one side, flip over, cook and serve. yum! Sheesh.

  17. Jaynann Says:

    So funny! Eric just made sausages perfectly on Sunday…he was standing over them for at least 40 minutes. They were delicious. Mine usually have the black crunchiness of charcoal.

  18. Clydesteve Says:

    oven – done all the way around


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