all this for a story?
June 22, 2011
A while back, a friend of mine got his entire body waxed, just so he would have a good story to tell. Which I think is actually a noble reason. Not that I would ever do that.
On a related note, when my brother in law, the dentist, recently sent an email to the family offering teeth whitening/bleaching for the low low price of free, it took several seconds, at least, for another member of the family to email back saying that I would be taking the first available slot. Cuz there’s a family wedding this weekend. Gotta look my best.
Did you know that bleaching your teeth hurts? No? Well, that makes you normal. You know what’s NOT normal? This:
Here I am with the apparatus fully functioning. Can you see the tears? Maybe I was only crying on the inside.
So, I guess you want to know how it feels. Here’s how it feels–like someone is running live electrical current through my jaw, and randomly hitting me in the face with a 9 iron.
Afterward, Dan asked me if I wanted a prescription for some Lortab. At first I said Of course not, I am a strong, confident man.
Then I reconsidered. “So, would you say the pain is probably peaked right now, and will diminish throughout the day or . . . ?” His face said it all. And then his mouth said “most people say the pain peaks several hours later.”
It’s now several hours later. Here’s how it feels: like someone is running live electrical current through my jaw, and randomly hitting me in the face with a baseball bat. And also, using a pliers to twist random teeth around in their sockets. And as if my lower jaw has been removed and put in backwards. I think I’ll feel like this looks for a couple days:
I haven’t really looked at my teeth yet. But they better be brighter than the sun to justify this kind of pain. I will now take an entire bottle of Lortab.