really? on the floor?

July 5, 2011

I went to see Terrence Malick’s Tree of Life last Friday night. But that’s not what I wanted to tell you. What I wanted to tell you is that while I was in the bathroom, a kid came in and used the urinal two down from me.

He was wearing super skinny jean shorts. He had an iPhone in his  hand. He stood there a second, kind of confused, staring at his phone. And then he bent over, and placed the phone on the floor by his foot.

And then he peed.

I stood there, aghast. And then I remembered you all, and how you’d definitely want a picture of that. So I went to wash my hands, and had my phone at the ready, ready to take a picture. But people kept coming in and since I don’t want to get arrested or end up on a sex offender list or anything, I just left.

I told my friend about it, and the first thing he asked was, did I get a picture.

So after the movie, I went back into the bathroom, and snapped this re-creation of the moment. Sorry to whoever the unwitting model was in the picture.

What are the options for your phone here? Down your shirt? In your mouth? Balanced on your head? Myriad, right? So many options. I mean, he could have asked ME to hold it for him.

And yet. And yet, there it was, on the floor next to his foot, while he peed.

Imagine if he had taken that chemical that turns your pee blue (reminds me of the time my brother and I somehow got hold of some of that, and instead of pranking a friend, we took it ourselves. Two words sum up that experience–blue stains).

The blue splashing would have covered his phone. Which, I’m only guessing, he then put up to his face and called someone.

His girlfriend?


9 Responses to “really? on the floor?”

  1. CB Says:

    There’s an app for that….

  2. Scott Says:

    I knew a guy who would place his coffee cup (filled with coffee) on top of the urinal, do his thing, walk out of the bathroom, and then drink out of that same cup. That’s equivalent to drinking urine, isn’t it? Maybe these two people are related.

  3. tohellandback1st Says:

    he couldn’t very well ask you to hold [it], then he’d be breaking the no talking rule…

  4. bikemike Says:

    it’s a known fact that bathroom floors are cleaner than the inside of a dogs mouth. you let your dog lick your face, don’t you? well, there you go.

  5. KanyonKris Says:

    You know, I often set my food down before I pee.

  6. Hm. I guess his skinny jeans didn’t have pockets? Skinny jean pockets become usable once you unbutton/unzip/etc to use the urinal.

    I’m just saying. There are alternatives to the floor. Also, ew.

  7. […] guy knows what I'm saying, somehow this is the only one that pops up on Google image search. This was posted on Google+ […]

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