January 2, 2012
Remember how Dave Chappelle went crazy after signing that huge Comedy Central contract, and went and hid in South Africa for a while? Well, he came back, right?
I hope it’s more like that, and not Leaving Las Vegas. Cuz Chappelle came back.
Not that I’m comparing myself to Chappelle. I mean, you know how sometimes people will relate some parable from the New Testament, and after a few seconds, you realize they are comparing themselves to Jesus? I’m not saying I’m Dave Chappelle. I’m just saying that I needed a break. 2011 was the year of the great Suck. Not all of it, but enough of it that I’m sticking with that title.
But instead of going to Vegas like Nicolas Cage, I made six thousand batches of chocolate chip cookies and in the end realized a dream/goal I’ve had for a very long time.
I think I’ve always had 200 lbs in me, so to speak, but I had a weird epiphany the other day–weigh myself at NIGHT!
By morning I had lost 5 lbs. I really don’t know how that happens, but I hit the big 200, and nobody can take that away from me.
And tomorrow I have a root canal. Those are practically guaranteed to lose you five pounds. I’ll be back fitting in my spanx in no time.
Okay, and here, lemme throw you a bone. This is the big stall in the work bathroom.
They say fences make good neighbors, but this? Really, what’s going on in there that requires that kind of privacy?
Wait, don’t answer that. Please.