why do we even have that lever?

January 25, 2012

I would like to speak to my friends at Nabisco.

But first, remember when Izma says to Kronk “Why do we even HAVE that lever?!”

Look, I’m a very busy guy. I have lots to do. I want to be able to walk into my grocery store, grab the Oreos, and go home and eat them. Why do you even SELL regular Oreos? Why aren’t Oreos, by default, Double Stuff? I don’t want Oreos that go to eleven. I just want Oreos. But I want them stuffed, doubly. All the time. It’s not a special treat that I get when I’ve been good. I don’t eat regular Oreos to punish myself.

Please make all Oreos be double stuff. otherwise, we’ll end up with lots of wafers laying around, looking for a home.

[And don’t tell me to make other confections with the wafers–just don’t.]


18 Responses to “why do we even have that lever?”

  1. BM Says:

    Does that bag have 205 written on it anywhere?

    Crush and add butter for a delicious chocolate cheesecake crust.

  2. collette b Says:

    Crush and use instead of rice krispies in rk squares… OREO CRACK!!!!

  3. Brandon Says:

    My neighbor works for Nabisco. Next time he has some new Oreo products for me I will call you.

  4. Steve Says:

    Hey, it worked with western family toilet paper but not with the ski gear. worth a try! It must be the cosmos telling you to cut back.

  5. JZ Says:

    Why indeed.

  6. KanyonKris Says:

    I agree, double stuff *is* Oreo. The original should be dumped in the trash bin of history. Progress! I am the modren man.

    Sorry you grabbed the wrong pack. Buying the wrong birth control could be worse. Maybe.

  7. Don't hate me because I'm right! Says:

    Why would you EVER eat double stuff? It’s like eating those AWFUL Reese’s Christmas Trees! The ratio between chocolate and PB is completly wrong and the whole tree is disgusting. DS Oreos are the same. Wrong ratio. Completly disgusting. Regular Oreos are the ONLY Oreos. Anything elese is for poo eaters.

    • dug Says:

      don’t make me block you. the only thing better than reese’s trees are reese’s hearts. and reese’s pumpkins. they should really have a reese’s for every holiday, major and minor. the ratio is soooo good.

      poo eaters?

      wait. am i being punked?

      • JodieA Says:

        I’m with you, dug. I love all the reese’s trees, eggs, hearts, etc. and of course double stuff oreos. poo eaters seems a bit strong for me.

        • Anonymous Says:

          Wait, Reece’s makes hearts? Are they like twice as good as the eggs? And they are probably in stores now…. Great, now I have to put Target on tomorrow’s To Do list….

    • Mike J Says:

      I totally agree. The original Oreos have just the right amount of sugar flavored crisco in the middle of them. Double stuff is just too much crisco.

    • Wyatt Says:

      I agree that the DS have the wrong ratio. Double stuff have WAY too much cream. But I disagree that regular oreos are the only oreos, because cakesters exist, and those taste awesome.

  8. roan Says:

    Dug, I can help you help yourself. Buy a very large supply of double stuffed Oreos. Attach a bag with the Oreos to your handlebar, go on a century ride, mtn or road. Every 1/2 mile reward yourself with a double stuffed Oreo. This worked for me in 1972 on a canoe trip only it was Nilla waffers at every bend in the river. 17 miles by road was 77 miles by river. Haven’t touched a Nilla waffer since.
    Dug, you ‘need’ help.

  9. Jenn Says:

    “I have just met you, and I love you.” (That should come off clever, not creepy, so long as you get it.) Suffice to say, I concur.

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