uh oh

May 9, 2012

I’m a little upset this morning. I’m just going to get this out there:

I sat on the toilet seat, and it broke.

Okay, it feels good to get that off my, er, chest.

Look:

yes, that’s a crack (ha)

I was just sitting there, minding my own business. I shifted a bit. And a crack like the sound of doom reverberated throughout the bathroom the way only sounds in a bathroom can. It was like a sonic boom.

Look, Strava doesn’t lie. I’ve been riding this year at roughly 5 times the quantity I was last year.

The scale doesn’t lie. I can now button the top button on my pants.

And yet.

in case you were wondering, yes, the crack goes all the way through

I will now buy a microwave large enough to fit me.

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18 Responses to “uh oh”

  1. Steve Says:

    Thanks for flushing before taking the pic. Wow. You are bigger boned than I thought for a guy with no butt.

  2. planetjenn Says:

    Strava? Why am I always the last to know…

    • dug Says:

      strava is the bomb. not so much for KOMs, but for PRs and segments. it’s like twitter for riding. i’m addicted.

      • planetjenn Says:

        Heh heh heh…guess where I’ve been since I first made that post? I mean…the ONLY place I’ve been! Very cool. I’m loving the segment feature, as it calculates the grades of my climbs, which is something I love to know but am too lazy/inept to calculate manually. Thanks for the heads-up!! I learn so much here…for instance, don’t wiggle on the seat….

      • kanyonkris Says:

        Strava is a scourge. As if cyclists need one more thing to obsess over. It’s like introducing heroine addicts to crack cocaine. There be dragons.

  3. GrizzlyAdam Says:

    “I shifted a bit”. Oh. I read that differently the first time.

  4. JZ Says:

    Mom, I need a new butt.
    Why?
    Because mine has a crack in it!!

  5. Clydesteve Says:

    I dont think the microwave is an effective way to lose that extra water weight. You just have to do it the old-fashioned wrestlers way – dehydration to the point of life-threatening fainting. then, get on the scales, prove you now weigh less, and dont get on them again for a long time. Perhaps dont get on a round seat for a long time either.

  6. Anonymous Says:

    That’s gonna pinch next time.

  7. maxpower1912 Says:

    …and boom goes the dynamite…

  8. kanyonkris Says:

    Butt crack, haha.

    Subway called, they want you in their commercials.

  9. kanyonkris Says:

    Oh, excellent GATTACA reference. One of my favorite movies.

  10. Eric Says:

    whoa, there big fella. I don’t think I’ve ever heard of that happening before.

  11. Bikemike Says:

    The affectionate term is “Lard Ass”.

  12. Christian West Says:

    Hahaha. I have trouble reading bathroom blog articles but this one was on point. I guess I have to ask, “what is the toilet seat made out of?”. The answer to this question is key for how I’m going to judge you.

    I never thought cracked toilet seats were a real thing; thanks for clearing that up. And then to add some real color to the topic, my brother John Jr. sent over a pic of his toilet seat with cracks on both sides all the way through! Hahaha. Too lazy to hit one button on Amazon for a new toilet seat and then have his kids install it.

  13. Christian Says:

    I just noticed this was posted in 2012. Haha. My previous comment makes no sense.


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