uh oh
May 9, 2012
I’m a little upset this morning. I’m just going to get this out there:
I sat on the toilet seat, and it broke.
Okay, it feels good to get that off my, er, chest.
Look:
yes, that’s a crack (ha)
I was just sitting there, minding my own business. I shifted a bit. And a crack like the sound of doom reverberated throughout the bathroom the way only sounds in a bathroom can. It was like a sonic boom.
Look, Strava doesn’t lie. I’ve been riding this year at roughly 5 times the quantity I was last year.
The scale doesn’t lie. I can now button the top button on my pants.
And yet.
in case you were wondering, yes, the crack goes all the way through
I will now buy a microwave large enough to fit me.
dug 
May 9, 2012 at 9:03 am
Thanks for flushing before taking the pic. Wow. You are bigger boned than I thought for a guy with no butt.
May 9, 2012 at 9:37 am
Strava? Why am I always the last to know…
May 9, 2012 at 9:58 am
strava is the bomb. not so much for KOMs, but for PRs and segments. it’s like twitter for riding. i’m addicted.
May 9, 2012 at 10:33 am
Heh heh heh…guess where I’ve been since I first made that post? I mean…the ONLY place I’ve been! Very cool. I’m loving the segment feature, as it calculates the grades of my climbs, which is something I love to know but am too lazy/inept to calculate manually. Thanks for the heads-up!! I learn so much here…for instance, don’t wiggle on the seat….
May 9, 2012 at 2:13 pm
Strava is a scourge. As if cyclists need one more thing to obsess over. It’s like introducing heroine addicts to crack cocaine. There be dragons.
May 9, 2012 at 10:21 am
“I shifted a bit”. Oh. I read that differently the first time.
May 10, 2012 at 2:49 pm
audible
May 9, 2012 at 11:11 am
Mom, I need a new butt.
Why?
Because mine has a crack in it!!
May 9, 2012 at 12:23 pm
I dont think the microwave is an effective way to lose that extra water weight. You just have to do it the old-fashioned wrestlers way – dehydration to the point of life-threatening fainting. then, get on the scales, prove you now weigh less, and dont get on them again for a long time. Perhaps dont get on a round seat for a long time either.
May 9, 2012 at 1:05 pm
That’s gonna pinch next time.
May 9, 2012 at 1:49 pm
…and boom goes the dynamite…
May 9, 2012 at 2:20 pm
Butt crack, haha.
Subway called, they want you in their commercials.
May 9, 2012 at 2:21 pm
Oh, excellent GATTACA reference. One of my favorite movies.
May 9, 2012 at 4:20 pm
whoa, there big fella. I don’t think I’ve ever heard of that happening before.
May 10, 2012 at 10:20 am
The affectionate term is “Lard Ass”.
May 10, 2012 at 2:50 pm
yes, thank you. thankyouverymuch.
January 21, 2016 at 1:03 am
Hahaha. I have trouble reading bathroom blog articles but this one was on point. I guess I have to ask, “what is the toilet seat made out of?”. The answer to this question is key for how I’m going to judge you.
I never thought cracked toilet seats were a real thing; thanks for clearing that up. And then to add some real color to the topic, my brother John Jr. sent over a pic of his toilet seat with cracks on both sides all the way through! Hahaha. Too lazy to hit one button on Amazon for a new toilet seat and then have his kids install it.
January 21, 2016 at 1:04 am
I just noticed this was posted in 2012. Haha. My previous comment makes no sense.