confessions of a man losing his motor skills

May 21, 2012

I have confessed to quite a few failings in this space, from being a lousy handyman to falling down stairs to cracking the toilet seat by sitting on it.

Have we tired of this gimmick? Well, if by “we” I mean “me” then no, no we haven’t.

Here is a picture of my toothbrush.

I realize that’s pretty uninteresting. But now you know, I have an electric toothbrush.

Lemme esplain. No, there is too much, lemme sum up.

When you brush your teeth with an old fashioned analog toothbrush, you put toothpaste on the toothbrush, stick the toothbrush in your mouth, and brush.

Well, when you use an electric toothbrush, you do the same. Except you also push a button on the toothbrush to start the toothbrush head vibrating wildly.

So sometimes, you forget. And by you, of course, I mean I. I forget. And I push the button just a smidge too early. Which starts the toothbrush head vibrating. Violently. Near, but not IN, my mouth.

Which sprays toothpaste all over the counter. And the mirror. And my face.

But don’t worry about me. It only happens about once a week. I’m fine.

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13 Responses to “confessions of a man losing his motor skills”

  1. kanyonkris Says:

    Anxious to get to work?

    I hear Philips R&D is hard at work on a saliva activated model just for you.

  2. Steve Says:

    whew!! It’s not just me!!! I like your short comings. They make me feel better about mine.

  3. becomingblue Says:

    Do those things do a better job than the analog models? And when I say better, I mean has it produced a measurable reduction in the cavity count?

    That thing looks pretty sophisticated as well. Modern design, shiny, looks to have various attachments, (either an assortment of bristle types or maybe a his and hers option), rechargeable. What a machine.

    I may have drifted from the post’s topic.

  4. roan Says:

    Reading the title of the email I was thinking cycling AND wanting so bad to tell you to put a baseball trading card in the rear wheel spokes, no one would ever doubt your motor skills. Toothbrush, eh ? That’s a problem, maybe you could put it inside your seat tube near the bottom bracket for a turbo boost for those early mornings. AND make a whirring sound as you pedal.

  5. Bikemike Says:

    Two things. First, I love when you use the lemme esplain quote from princess bride, that never gets old. ever. And B, your brush head is worn out by about 2 years.

    • dug Says:

      okay, now i’m going to spend some time researching exactly how many times i’ve done it. no matter the cost, even if it involves ultimate suffering.

      also, yes. i bought some replacements. unfortunately, they were for the wrong model. apparently there are lots.

  6. BM Says:

    You realize your toilet seat has only two “bumpers”, right? 100% of both of the toilet seats that I subsequently surveyed were equipped with four bumpers, resulting in improved load (hehe) distribution and obviating the likelihood of catastrophic failure. Does toothpaste sting if you get it in your eye?

  7. Anonymous Says:

    Why the Vasoline? Please splain. Err, wait, maybe not…

  8. The Flyin' Ute Says:

    I haven’t had a cavity in the 10 years since I switched to an electric toothbrush.

    I wish I had one when I was a kid. I had a mouthful of cavities then my baby teeth fell out and I got another mouthful.

    Oh the good ol’ days.


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