just between you and me
January 30, 2013
I don’t want to belabor the topic, but I finally burned a lunch break and drove my defunct Comcast remote down to the Comcast service center and traded it in for a shiny new remote, all shrink-wrapped and everything.
Last night I set about teaching my remote to connect with my TV. Which is easy, right? You just look on the handy instruction sheet for the code that matches your TV, then follow the steps that seem a little like the fancy dance Vin Diesel does in The Pacifier (You know, the Peter Panda Dance–“Roll like a log till you can’t roll no more! Better jump up quick like there ain’t no floor, Hold your breath, and jump/step/slide to the left; And that’s the Peter, I swear that’s the Peter, That’s the Peter Panda Dance!”–Remember NOW?)
Anyway, I forget what I was talking about. Oh, right, I’m training my Comcast remote. Which feels a lot like being punked with all the clicking and pointing and waiting. And it’s NOT WORKING.
I try it like 20 times, with every code on the page. I go behind the TV with my iPhone flashlight app, to see if I can get more specific on the model number. And finally, I sit in front of the TV, and dial up Comcast support, get in the queue, put the phone on speaker while I wait, and watch Predator (what a serendipitous little surprise that our TV should be stuck on Predator).
Finally, right as Arnold squares off in the mud with the ugly alien, I get a live one on the phone.
“No problem sir, I can walk you through that.”
Cool.
“What’s the make of your television?”
It’s a Mitsubish . . . . um, well, it’s a TOSHIBA.” Aaahhhhhhhhhhh!
Me, now knitting my shaming hair shirt which is waaay less shaming than to tell all y’all about this.
Let’s just keep it between us okay?
dug 
January 30, 2013 at 1:05 pm
“What is your name?”
“Dug.”
“What is your quest?”
“To watch television without ever having to stand up.”
“What is the make and model of your television?”
“Mitsubishi, no Toshiba!”
[Comical boi-oi-oing sound effect as Dug is ejected from the bridge]
January 30, 2013 at 1:25 pm
Oh no. I’m the guy who has to take the nuance-y jokey reference and has to make it super-duper explicit. I’m that guy, and I hate that guy.
January 30, 2013 at 6:11 pm
i don’t hate that guy. cuz that would mean i hate you. and i don’t hate you. i love you.
January 30, 2013 at 2:27 pm
Yes, awful user interface. Often I have to try every maker code until one works. Or I’ve got the hoky poky button dance wrong and have to try variations (hold a button longer, etc.). You may have to sacrifice a chicken and sprinkle its blood over the remote.
Is this the hair shirt reference? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shirt_of_Nessus
How do you remember so much of this stuff?
January 30, 2013 at 4:40 pm
Ya know Dug, I can’t really relate. I have never been so sure of an answer, and wrong about it at the same time. I have never tried to push on a door that says pull. I have never used a bathroom, and left without washing. I’ve never forgotten my gym shorts on workout day, or locked my keys in a running car.
Never once have I slapped my forehead, exclaimed D’oh, and had that rush of pure embarrassment, while everyone was watching.
You are all alone on this one.
January 30, 2013 at 6:10 pm
riggghhht. the poison. the poison to kill cuzco. uh huh.
January 31, 2013 at 1:15 pm
Comcast has a wonderful online instant chat problem solving thingy. It’s way less embarrassing…sort of.