welcome to her world

June 29, 2009

So Maddy is into this boy, and he shows up at the door the other night to pick her up for a movie, and I answer the door, and he has on this t-shirt that says “Element” on it, and listed all over the shirt are the four elements, you know, Earth, Wind, Fire, Water.

I say, “Hey, cool, you have the elements all over your t-shirt,” and he’s all, “yeah, yeah I do.” So I think, without really thinking, cuz who really thinks in those situations, I think, hey, I’m funny, watch this, I’ll be funny.

So I say “I was thinking of getting a t-shirt with the 4 humours on it.”

Chirp.

“You know. The four humours . . . blood, phlegm, black bile, yellow bile . . .  HEY! LOOK! Here’s Maddy, she’s all ready to go!”

Overheard as they walked out the door:

Maddy: What was my Dad talking to you about?

Boy: I have NO idea.

Maddy: Yeah. Welcome to my world.

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21 Responses to “welcome to her world”


  1. LOL that gave me a good chuckle.

  2. Bandit Says:

    Embarrassing our kids. It’s what we do.

  3. steveA Says:

    My kids friends think I am the funniest and coolest Dad around. Good thing we keep things short and get em out of here quick. My kids also think their friends are not always running on full tanks. My favorite is to yell “make good choices” with as many of their friends within shouting distance. Not all have seen the movie.

  4. JBazz Says:

    (ducks her head in slightly embarrassed attempt to express politeness). . . um, I’ve been lurking around your blog for a while now because it makes me laugh. This one made me laugh out loud, so I had to let you know. Thanks for that.

  5. bikemike Says:

    as in Father Knows Best, you should’ve yelled out, “have a good time Princess”, as they left. just to relieve any doubt.

  6. KanyonKris Says:

    Aren’t the 4 Humours an 80s Irish punk band?

    To be fair, I wouldn’t have gotten the joke until you listed the humours.

    High marks for thinking on your feet and freaking the kid out.

    I’ve tried to think of funny and harassing things to say to the two boys who’ve come to pick up my daughter. But each time they look so nervous just to be there I haven’t had the heart.

    Best threat to boy taking out your daughter: Show him a bullet / shotgun shell with his name on it and say “don’t make me use this”.

    • KanyonKris Says:

      Scratch that. Dug’s string, pencil, straw, SCISSORS is now the best threat.

      • bikemike Says:

        have a dummy in the garage and pretend like you’re waterboarding it when the kid comes up the driveway. yelling something appropriate like “death is too good for you, to the pain.”

  7. Jen Says:

    Dug … if things get a little more serious, you better make sure he knows exactly what you are talking about when it comes to what he is allowed to do and not do with Maddy, and the consequences for breaking such rules. Please make sure you share that conversation.

  8. mark Says:

    At least all your friends weren’t at the end of the driveway wearing pink spandex.

  9. savvymama Says:

    LOL! I think Maddy gets credit for being funny like her dad!!

  10. Jdub Says:

    We went through a stage a few weeks ago before school was out where the just turned 6 year old daughter kissed a boy at school. Did Maddy do that at that age? Am I in for it already? Do you charge to do your pencil and straw presentation?

  11. forgingahead Says:

    Well I think you were very funny! Kid had a chance to learn something…kids.

  12. Miles Archer Says:

    completely unrelated but i thought you might like it:
    http://thereifixedit.com/2009/06/18/epic-kludge-photo-duct-tape-zip-tie-spoon/

  13. mark Says:

    We just found out that my four-year-old son has kissed Jon J’s three-year-old daughter. On the lips, no less. Jon, if this is news to you, I’m sorry to break it to you this way.

  14. rookieroadracer Says:

    Awesome story. Possibly even funnier if you don’t already know this, but it seems you don’t, and since I love reading your blog I’ve gotta fill you in.

    Element is a skateboard company. You know, the evil plywood boards with 4 wheels. The anti-bike, evil-doing Cretans that keep BMX bikes banned from most skate parks, and are the species most likely to be involved in a physical confrontation with a cyclist, even when you take squirrels and motorists into account. The boy must die. Or at the very least, Maddie must find a new boy, who is not one of them.

    As an aside, I pity the boyfriends of any daughter I may have in the future. There are fewer things in this world that please me more than racing motorcycles, and firearms. Quite the conundrum for the boy, isn’t it? What will win out, the adolescent boys desire to talk with the motorcycle racer dad of the girl he’s dating, or his fear of the arsenal? Did I mention I’ve got a friend with a pig farm? Because I’d mention it to him. After he saw the guns. ALL the guns. Which would likely be arranged near the race bikes he’d be sure to want to see.

    P.S. This shirt? http://catalog.elementskateboards.com/mens/view/117/Tees/Onslaught There are tons of variations, but that’s a popular one. I’m telling you, the plywood pushing anti-biker must go. In peace, or in pieces.


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