they should put that on the sign

April 19, 2010

As a man, in particular as a married man, sometimes I’m sent on dangerous assignments, missions if you will.

Saturday morning, I spent quite a while wandering the aisles at the unholy behemoth, Smith’s Marketplace (I was already down on that side of the hill, and with a mission like this, time is important–I’m not saying someone was timing me, I’m just saying I was trying to be quick), seeking my treasure.

I’ve talked before about the stupid aisle signage at Smiths. But this one is a doozy. In the end, I had to walk up to an otherwise innocent and unsuspecting stockboy and just blurt it out.

“Yo. I’m looking for Tampons. Probably Supers.”

Sure, I could have been a bit more genteel, and said “feminine hygiene products.”

But they could have written that on the sign, too, right?

smiths aisle

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16 Responses to “they should put that on the sign”

  1. Jeff Says:

    Judging from your previous smith’s signage, it should have broken it down: Maxi pads, tampons, panty liners and even go into brand names…

    I am no longer sent on such missions since the one time I was asked I brought home the wrong kind.

  2. KanyonKris Says:

    “seeking treasure” – a pirate disguise is completely appropriate.

    The sign is not just a sin of omission, but patently misleading. The items on the sign indicate a nice soak in the tub or preparations for a tropical vacation, not taking care of the monthly thing.

    Good to see that, despite Smith’s efforts to thwart your mission, you were successful. This post could have been about the consequences of mission failure, and that’s not good for anybody.

  3. Steve Says:

    try buying for 4 women who have different needs and preferences. they are required to write down the specifics if they send me on such a mission. and smith’s had Diet Dr. Pepper on sale 10 for 10 bucks. Not a bad price for Nectar of the Gods. You have to broaden your focus on such missions. Sure it takes longer but you get something out of it too!!

  4. bikemike Says:

    “Herb, i need a price check on these Stayfree Maxipads”–“s’alright Herb, really”.


  5. What is up with the eyes? It is like someone is spying on you during your purchase. Jeff is lucky. I make a mistake and my wife makes me return the item and buy the correct item. Buying is one thing returning is a very different issue.

  6. Bandit Says:

    Ha. I laugh at you. I have a wife and two daughters and never have to make such a purchase. They take care of that on their own, thank you very much.

  7. Nate Says:

    I take a picture of the box with my phone and seek out the match. Seems to work. Until they change the box. Umm, nevermind.

  8. Jenn Says:

    “Do NOT seek the treasure!”

  9. Jonnie J Says:

    Your bravery knows no bounds. We have a little deal at my house of 4 women. You mind if I pass your cell number over to the wife for “emergencies”?

  10. Big Boned Says:

    Oh, going into Smith’s isn’t so bad. I once had to go to a drive up window at a gas station/convenience store for such a purchase.
    “You need what?” coming out of the high fidelity equipment they use at drive up windows. I think I had to repeat the order 3 or 4 tims…broke up with her the next day.

  11. Scott Says:

    Your blog was block by Net Nanny on my computer today.

  12. Mike J in Fremont Says:

    A little late but when I saw this joke, I thought of this post-
    A man walks into a pharmacy, and wanders up and down the aisles.

    A sales girl notices him and asks if she can help him.

    He replies that he’s looking for a box of tampons for his wife.

    So, she directs him down the correct aisle.

    A few minutes later, he arrives in the checkout line, and deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter.

    She says, confused, “Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?”

    And he answers, “You see, it’s like this. Yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling papers; cause it’s soooooooooo much cheaper.


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