just give me the movie theater
January 21, 2011
I really need stronger meds.
Not everyday, just when I go to the movies. What is it about a movie theater and movie theater people that pushes me over the edge?
It’s not rocket science. I pay about $8 a ticket. I buy popcorn and Diet Coke at a mark-up they would love on Rodeo Drive. I love movies, and I want you to shut up while I love them. Theaters even have public service messages disguised as previews where they tell everybody in the audience to shut up and listen, and to turn their cell phones off.
And yet. And yet, every time I go to the movies, some yahoo ignores all that and decides that telling the babysitter that it’s okay if the kids watch the Wiggles one more time before bed is more important than the movie we’re all watching. All 300 of us.
Kim and I went to see The King’s Speech last week with some friends. We sat up near the back, to minimize the number of yahoos that could sit behind us, as is my wont.
And about 3/4 of the way through, waaaay down on the second row, some ingrate pulled out his cell phone, held it up in front of his face, and started texting.
I’m telling you, it was brighter than the SUN!
I started to fidget. I leaned forward. I leaned back. I squirmed. And I considered my options.
- Go down to jackass’s row, sit in the empty seat next to him, lean over, and politely say “Excuse me sir. Your cell phone is brighter than the screen up yonder. It is, in fact, like a supernova. Kindly turn it off and put it back in your pocket.”
- Stay in my seat, but just outright yell “Hey, Jackass in the second row! TURN OFF YOUR $*#@ING CELL PHONE! IT OUTSHINES THE GIANT SCREEN!”
- Kill myself.
I would think either option 1 or option 2 would have resulted in applause and general gratitude from the audience. Right? And option 3 wouldn’t solve the problem at all, really.
Except, as I got fidgetier and fidgetier (this yahoo was texting for bordering on five minutes), Kim leaned over and whispered “What’s the matter with you?”
I whispered back “Are you kidding? Check out the giant spotlight cell phone in the second row. It’s driving me crazy!”
Kim squinted. “Oh, I hadn’t noticed.”
She’s always telling me I have a gift, because I don’t notice the kids’ music, or their conversations, or hear other distracting things that drive her crazy.
I would trade gifts. Give me peace and quiet in the movie theater. I will take peace and quiet in the movie theater over the right to pick the radio station, over people signaling lane changes, over left lane fast right lane slow, over annoying noises and smells in everyday life. Just give me the movie theater.
Is it just me? Apparently it’s just me.