is it weird to love your grocery store?
January 8, 2009
I’ve told you about my Harmons. I LOVE my Harmons. But recently, what they call a Smith’s “Marketplace” opened on the OTHER side of the mountain.
Well, let me diagram my living arrangement for you. I live at Suncrest, in Draper, at the very south end of the Salt Lake Valley, on the ridge that separates the Salt Lake Valley from Utah Valley. In fact, I live on the southeast facing side of the ridge, which technically puts me in UTAH county, while living in Draper city. This causes no end of confusion to the tax people, the post office, even the police dispatch (which, yes, we’ve had occasion to call).
Clear? Here, I’ll show you:
And here is the same, but with my two competing grocery stores:
I don’t know why I did that twice. You’d think I could have just put the grocery stores on the first diagram. Whatever.
I’ve already told you how much I love my Harmons. I LOVE IT LOVE IT LOVE IT.
But to be fair, I visited the abomination that is the new Smith’s Marketplace on the South side of the hill, since my friend Sam told me it was awesome.
Apparently Sam is a dumb ass. (Hi Sam!)
No. The new Smiths is NOT awesome. In fact, it sucks.
First, I don’t want my grocery store selling underwear or sweaters near my produce or sushi. Check it out:
Yes, I know, Walmarts and Super Targets have been doing this for years. Really? That’s our standard now? I do NOT want underwear and pajamas sold in my grocery store. No sweater fiber near the sushi bar.
Speaking of which, that’s the sushi bar and the “hot chocolate” bar there. Let’s take a closer look at the hot chocolate bar:
Okay, that’s not a good picture. But here’s the point: I want a BARRISTA making my hot chocolate. I want to tell them what I want, I want them to smile at me, and then go make it.
And to make it THAT much worse–they SAY they have gelato, but their “gelato” tastes like Western Family ice cream. In short, it’s poop.
Okay, they have some nice salsa. And what else do they have back there? A JEWELRY store. De-merit. “Honey, I’m going to pick up a gallon of milk, some avocados, oh, and a watch and a nice bracelet for you for Valentine’s Day.” Uh huh.
And finally, a store directory. Seriously? Look at that thing! It’s like the Mall of America! When I took this picture, Kim was embarrassed so she was standing a little off to the side, and some woman had just come in to the store, and she went to Kim and whispered “Did you see that man just take a picture of the store directory?”
Kim smiled and said, “yeah, that’s my husband. He hates this store, and loves Harmons. He’s gathering evidence.”
The woman looked shocked for a second, then said “Ohh. I LOVE Harmons.”
Amen sister. Amen.